Want to know what causes divorce?
It may not surprise you to hear that 40-50 percent
of married couples will get a divorce. 10 years from now the percentage
is projected to be even higher than that as well. Reading these
statistics is not as surprising as it should be due to the fact that our
culture has led us to believe in false deceptions of what a marriage is
and when there is no hope of rekindling the fire that was once burning
bright. There are 6 lies in fact that are molding the minds of the young
and old into thinking there is no hope for a happily ever after.
Lie #1: "My private immorality does not affect my marriage."
This
belief is a lot more common then you may think. Many people think, 'I
can view pornography whenever I want, wherever I want, and it will not
affect my marriage.' The research conducted by Kirk Doran and Joseph
Price in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues, has proven otherwise.
According
to the data gathered from 20,000 married adults, "We found that adults
who had watched an X-rated movie in the past year were more likely to be
divorcees, more likely to have an extramarital affair, and less likely
to report being happy with their marriage or happy overall." They found
many more shocking facts in their research that may be of some help to
you if this addiction is impacting the happiness of your marriage.
Lie #2: "The mistake I made is so bad that we need to get a divorce to be happy."
Building
trust again after a sexual sin was committed, addiction got out of hand
or something of that nature can actually make your marriage happier
than it ever was before.
Lie #3: "Breaking the covenants we made won't hurt me or my children."
Divorce
does not fix everything, especially if there are children involved.
There is no guarantee that your children will be okay with the
separation. Knowing that their parents are not in love with each other
anymore may possibly have an impact on how they view love, divorce and
especially marriage.
In the Journal
of Adolescence: Adolescents with a childhood experience of parental
divorce: a longitudinal study of mental health and adjustment,
their study concluded that, "Parental divorce was prospectively
associated with a relative change in anxiety and depression, subjective
well-being, self-esteem, and school problems." So yes, your children are
affected by a divorce.
Lie #4: "My wife and I are too different."
I
can't think of one couple that is perfectly compatible. You have chosen
to marry a flawed individual and are now complaining about it? Learning
through counseling, trial and error, leaning on your faith, or taking
marriage classes at the nearby college is the best way for you to learn
how to work together when times are getting tough.
Lie #5: "My happiness is THE most important thing in my marriage."
Why
did you get married in the first place? Was it for you? Communicating
with each other is the most important thing in your marriage. A friend
told me recently that she never felt like her ex-husband was her best
friend. She would talk to her mom about her frustrations and her workday
instead of her husband.
You will be happy in your marriage when
you realize that you and your husband are on the same team and need to
work together to get to the final destination.
Lie #6: "I should get a divorce if I don't love him anymore."
If
you are religious, then one of the best ways to work through your
marriage when the love is gone is to re-establish (or establish if
you're not religious) and understand God's love. Learning the skills
that He exhibits like patience, kindness, and a Christ like love can
turn into an even greater love than you had before.
These are
myths that we have believed for such a long time. Marriages have ended
because of these exact lies and it has very likely affected you
personally already. Don't get warped into believing that marriage isn't
worth anything. It is worth every penny.